How does divorce affect children?

An overview 

Divorce is a difficult and very painful situation for the couple, but it is much worse for the children. Statistics do not stop growing, and in recent years they show an obvious reality. According to data from the National Statistics Institute, 76.6 percent of divorces in 2016 were by mutual agreement, while 23.4 percent were contentious. With regard to this, children are usually considered the greatest victims of separation. Their world, the home they had known until then, collapses without anyone else asking for their opinion.

It is known that children living a divorce are more likely to develop personal and behavioral problems, although there are cases in which this does not happen if certain measures and precautions are taken into account.

“It is clear that a divorce situation will affect children in some way, but it does not always have to be traumatic. More than the divorce itself, what will influence is the level of conflict there is. If the parents do not agree and the children live in situations of screaming, fighting or insults, it will be more traumatic than if the divorce is by mutual agreement and / or the child does not live those conflict situations, ”explains Mireia Navarro Vera, psychologist and director of the Center for Psychology and Speech Therapy El Teu Espai.

Age is also very important in this process, as teenagers will fit their parents' break better than younger children. The adaptation to this change will be very different.

“Perhaps, the worst age could be said to range from 5 to 11 years. In this period, children still depend heavily on parents, rather than on the group of friends, therefore, any change in family structure will affect them. The adolescent is more aware of the peer group than the family nucleus, ”says Navarro. The reasoning capacity of the elderly is more similar to that of an adult, and therefore they will understand the situation and see things differently.

The effects of divorce on our children

For children, a divorce is a very stressful situation, and they often express this through facts, since they may not have enough capacity to express it emotionally.

“We could make a parallel with a grieving process. Children are going to have to make a loss, they will get angry, they will cry, they will refuse to accept it, they will want their parents to be together again and in the end they will accept it, ”says the psychologist.

Other factors that can also be manifested are that they decrease in academic performance, that they have social difficulties or behavioral problems. And if the divorce is traumatic, it can cause them a problem.

“If this conflict situation is maintained over time, that is, if the parents are fatal and after the divorce, the children continue to experience situations of high conflict, this could have important repercussions,” explains Navarro. Although it is true that, normally, if everything goes well, or that the child overcome the divorce in a year.

What should parents do?

Children must be informed at all times of what is happening. You have to give them an explanation of what happens, whatever your age.

 “If they are small, there are children's stories that can help us explain it,” explains Navarro. 

In addition, the ideal is mutual support between the divorced couple, cooperating and avoiding confrontation.

 "The two parents should tell them together and make it very clear that it has nothing to do with them because children tend to blame themselves for their parents' divorce," says the psychologist.

Another important thing to avoid is to blame the other spouse for the divorce, as well as talk badly about him / her in front of the children.

In the event that parents are not able to do well for themselves, they should go to a mediator to help them make this process as good as possible, for their sake and, above all, their children.